Eleven years ago, my husband, Jeff, myself and our son, Jeremy drove an hour in the dark and rain to see the last puppy left in a litter of Golden Doodles. Jeff had printed out a photo off the internet of a blonde, fuzzy puppy and handed it to me the night before, just for me to…you know…“think about.” We had talked about getting a dog for some time but I wasn’t quite sold on the idea yet. Well, I slept on it that night and wrote to the owners early the next morning to inquire about her. (There is power in a single, cute photo of a puppy for sure!)

The photo Jeff sent me while on jury duty with the text, “Hi Mommy!”

This pup was the last to be picked because she didn’t have the typical curly hair of a Doodle. Being a cat owner for almost 20 years, as excited I was about the idea of having a dog, I was still a bit hesitant about the greater responsibility it would bring. The persistence of our son made me reconsider and we made the commitment. This golden pup (named “Sarah”, which is also my middle name) looked more like a Golden Retriever but with a pointy Poodle nose. However, that very fact is what made me fall in love with her.

Once we arrived to see this little puppy, it wasn’t long before this adorable fluff ball that had just peed all over herself was placed in my arms. She relaxed immediately and I was smitten. Damp with puppy pee but smitten nonetheless. We took her home that night to officially become a member of our family and “Sarah” became “Sadie.”

As a puppy, she was near perfect and eager to please. I potty trained her in less than five tries. She only had four accidents. Proud dog mom moment for sure. I remember how distressed I was to be called for jury duty right after we brought her home—didn’t these people know I had a new baby to care for? Fortunately, it was only for a couple of days and Jeff was able to take time off to babysit our new addition. He sent me photo updates of our new baby with captions like, “Hi Mommy!” She had quickly woven her way into his heart, too.

As the years went by and she became an integral part of our family we learned she was loyal to the very core of her being. While her comfy dog bed that gave a view to the outside was always available, she would instead choose to follow me around the house and lay as close to my feet as possible. Even if it was the hard floor, if it meant being close to me or anyone in our little family—that was where she wanted to be. She laid with Jeremy on the couch if he was on the computer, hopped into our bed at night and would always intently watch me make dinner in the kitchen—wanting to be close but also waiting for a morsel to drop on the floor.

I would often bring Sadie with me to pick up Jeremy from elementary school.

Her quirky personality continued to develop as time went by. A fine connoisseur of rugs, she loved it when I laid down a big, fresh 8’X10’ throw rug in the living room. With big, hairy dogs like ours and living in the wet and muddy Pacific Northwest—these had to be replaced on a quarterly basis. She would be the first to hop on it to roll, kick and play bow before I could lay it properly. It would often stay half unrolled for a day until she got her fill of ‘doodlefying’ it to her liking.

We always said that she reserved her love just for us, and that was true. She would bark at lots of things and we always knew when a package arrived at our front door. She had a particular displeasure for dogs, or really any animal, that would show up on our television. We could never watch a movie or even a commercial with any type of animal in it without her growling, rearing up on her hind legs to bark and letting that two dimensional dog, cat, pig, cow, horse, etc. on the screen know not to mess with her. She saved her love for just a couple animal companions as well. He best friend, Scout, was our friend and neighbors dog and she would often have playdates with him. And of course, she loved and accepted her sibling, Ranger, once we brought him home.

Best friends and siblings snoozing together. Sadie quickly adapted to having a new pup in the house to play and cuddle with.

Sadie was incredibly smart, if I turned my back for second while cooking she would gingerly and oh-so-carefully pull whatever tickled her nose and fancy off of the kitchen counter and drag it out to the yard to enjoy. Licking tidbits off of plastic cheese and bacon wrappers seemed to be her favorite. I never really disciplined her for this, as a result, whatever food treat she pulled off the counter was certainly worth the simple verbal scolding she had to endure. One holiday, I made the mistake of leaving a batch of chocolate chip cookies on the counter while we attended a get-together with friends. We discovered the completely empty platter upon our return home. After a quick trip to the vet for a simple procedure to “rid” herself of said cookies—she quickly went back to her bouncy, happy, doodle self.

Having her made us change the way we took vacations. The first thought in going to a destination was always—can we bring the dogs with us? We became experts at finding wonderful, dog-friendly vacation rentals on ocean beaches in Washington and Oregon and the San Juan Islands. And as recent empty nesters with Jeremy away at college the past couple of years, we always wanted to bring the dogs—often referred to as “the kids.” The Golden Retriever in her loved the water and enjoyed swimming in the pool at the Utah house. She would playfully bite water that came out of the hose as I tried to water plants in Summer and would happily hop in the tub when it was time for a doggie bath.

Sadie doing what she did best in Lake Washington.

And then there was her “egg.” This crazy, plastic toy shaped like a giant, yellow egg. It rolled oddly because of its shape and she would delightfully growl, throw and chase it around the yard. Ranger would join in their own version of silly play as he would run circles around her with a pillow from our couch in his mouth. I tried to replace it after it cracked in the middle and became caked with mud—but that didn’t matter—the new one would not do and she continued to delightfully have play sessions with the old egg. It broke my heart to have to finally take it away from her after years of enjoyment when she tore her a ligament in her leg and had to have surgery on it.

Little dog bodies eventually grow old and wear out.

I can’t stand that fact.

These are just a few of the things that we loved and terribly miss about her. She was such a joyful, happy, spirited dog. She could sense when Jeff was coming home from work and stare at the front door intently near dinner time. Once he did come home, she was full of wiggles and wags and to welcome him, as she did with all of us.

So many treasured memories but what I miss most are the daily interactions - and I think that’s why their loss is so impactful when they pass. Pets enrich our lives so much, they are such an incredibly loving gift.

I think it’s really no wonder that people often describe losing a pet with words like, ‘devastating’, ‘tragedy’, ‘heartbroken’ and ‘shattered.’ I know my own heart carried this incredibly, heavy, weighted feeling when she passed and the tears still come. Our animal companions are so innocent and pure with their truly unconditional love for us—people are far more complicated.

It’s been over a month since our sweet girl entered into the paradise that is doggie heaven - it’s taken me at least that long to come to terms that she will no longer be cozied up in her bed snoozing away, or will follow me out to the studio to lay by my feet or will never again chase birds down the shoreline…at least here on earth.

We brought our rescue from Texas, Ranger, as a puppy into our family when Sadie was about 3 and now that she is gone, it’s him I worry about most. Since he was a baby, she was always there. To play silly games with, cuddle and snooze with. I wonder if he wonders why she just disappeared. Regardless, we are doing our best to spoil him with extra walks, treats and attention. I’ve changed his diet to incorporate more real food and supplements into his meals. I know that at eight years old, even his time is limited but I want to do everything in my power to make sure he stays healthy for as long as possible.

There is an emotional price we pay when our pet’s life comes to an end. That love comes at a cost and the grief is raw and real. Some vow to never get another, it’s too hard and they never want to feel that way again. Others can’t stand the quiet and immediately bring another fur ball of love into their home. Neither of these are wrong and it’s too early for me to know which category I fall into, I suppose it’s somewhere in the middle. There will be room for another someday, and I know that our Angel, Sadie will be the one to help coordinate that.

Taking the dogs with us on vacation in Depoe Bay, Oregon.

As an artist that paints these wonderful, sweet creatures - your animal companions, the loss feels particularly great. I do find comfort in that she was my muse and inspiration for 11 years. I painted her image 12 times - with coffee cups and wine glasses on her head, offered up her smile in a doggie kissing booth, placed her in a friendly tug of war with her brother and put her in a Van Gogh inspired Starry Night painting just to name a few. Time will tell if she will continue to inspire me or if these works created during her lifetime will simply become more treasured as time passes.

It absolutely warms my heart to know that others saw their own pets in these artworks and brought the art into their homes.

I know for certain that she is the reason I started painting.

She has already been memorialized in so many ways. She was our own calendar girl on the cover of the Homeward Pet Calendar. She is front and center on the 2021 National Purebred Dog Day Poster.

Home is where the dogs are, so we took them on vacation with us often. Yachats, Oregon.

I had a dream about Sadie two weeks after she passed. She was simply laying by me, awake, smiling in the sweet way that dogs do but appeared with shiny, beautiful silver fur. She was healthy and young again. I know that all of our animals will be there to greet us when it’s time for our own spirit and soul to move on.

“Rainbow Bridge II” 12X16 Acrylic. My interpretation of the meeting at the Rainbow Bridge. The pet that has passed is a young and healthy puppy again, happily heading towards us and led by a butterfly to show the way.

Yesterday, I swept the house and as I come across fewer of her beautiful golden hairs that stuck to anything and everything, including us, I realize it’s the simple, daily moments I miss most about her. Her wiggle and smile when we woke up and trotting joyfully to get her morning cookie…and cleaning up the crumbs of her brother’s cookie.

As I try to close out this blog post, I find it hard to finish. There is too much about her we loved, so many photos, videos, memories…and never enough time. Until we meet again my sweet Sadie, you are and always will be forever loved and cherished.

We see you in every flower, sunset, sunrise and star in the sky.

Sadie’s Tribute Video